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Assignment commentary

Holden's Retreat

Amy
9/30/01
Holden’s Retreat
The school made us go on this goddamn mandatory retreat. It was the phony convention of the century. It was supposed to bring us close to getter but all it did was make us go crazy. All the girls were acting all lovey-dovey and the ones with the nice knocker or the pretty faces got the phonies. All the others were just treated pretty crummy and were left alone. This was supposed to bring us closer to getter but it was a goddamn episode of one of the crappy soap operas. My mother used to watch them all the time when I was growing up. But after Allie died she stopped. Every time there was a funeral or hospital scene she would cry so my Dad got the channel they were on disconnected. Now she cooks. Not the best cook in the world but it was better the stuff we got there. At least her food didn't look like it was pre-barfed.
But the phoniest thing we had to do on the retreat had to be the “Leap Of Faith”. It was this trapeze thing you had to jump to get from a goddamn tree that you had to climb up. First off I wasn’t in to the name. I have no faith. And second, I’m not crazy about have to jump and risk pinching my privates.
All the “counselors” kept telling us it was “challenge by choice” which was really just shooting the bull . To them it might be, but if you chickened out every one would think you were yellow or something.
The first guy that went was this big sonovabitch names James. He was so tall that he just had to lean out to grab the bar that there wasn’t any challenge or any thing. I don’t like guys who show off by acting brave when what they are doing isn’t really challenging or any thing. It reminded of this time that DB took me and Phoebe to see “Zorro”. I mean the guy who played Zorro had this look of like he was some big shot bastard even thought he wasn’t any thing more then a phonie is a costume which made him even phonier. Phoebe said that the general was mean because he would whip his horse and DB tried to explain that he wasn’t really doing it but she didn’t listen.
The next person who went on the Leap Of Faith this broad Kim, I think, it’s kinda hard to rember the order but I do know that she wanted to go really bad. She didn’t jump for the bar or any thing but every one was still cheering here on because she was part of the god damn phony club. In every school all the phonies have clubs, or at least the high ranking phonies. The foot ball players, the rich and the pretty girls. Kim wasn’t to bad looking
I’ll admit but she was to spirited, every thing was happy for her, I mean her and her funky hair were to sugary for my taste. Then this guy Joe went. He was the only one who tried to get the bar but missed. It wasn’t a very fair challenge I thought. I mean tall people had a much bigger advantage to grab the bar then short people. And Joe wasn’t even all that short, but compared to James he was small. You almost felt sorry for him even though it was kinda funny. It reminded my of the time Allie accidentally slammed a car door on my hand. We were going to take Phoebe ice-skating but when we were getting out of the cab I leaned in to ask the driver how much and Allie slammed the car door on my hand. It wasn’t like he meant to or any thing but it just kinda happened. I had to go to the hospital and get my hand drained.
I didn’t scream, I just kinda squeaked. I felt bad thought cuz I had promised to take Phoebe skating. And we hadn’t had a chance to go the whole winter. She didn’t really care, she just wanted to make sure I was ok.
She spent some of the dough she had been saving for a new pair of skate with little fake jewels on them to but me some flowers. It killed me but also make me want to cry at the same time. I wished Phoebe could have come on the retreat with me. She would have enjoyed it a lot more then I had. She likes being places where you can count the stars at night.
I felt sorry for one girl thought. She was the last one to go I think and she didn’t make it up the tree. No one was cheering her on and she seemed really scared. I had seen her around school. She was one of those people who has a great personality and a presence some phonies like to squash. Well she stayed long enough for someone to take he goddamn photo but she was panting and sweating like a bastard. I felt sorry for her. She wasn’t supported or had any one aside from the “counselors” told her nice try or good job. She seemed all weak and helpless up there. Made me kinda depressed how people who are nice with out you even asking get forgotten. I thought about what would happen if I disappeared. I didn’t think I’d be remembered and it made me even more depressed. I thought about climbing up that tree with out a harness and jumping and seeing if any one came to cover me up with a coat like Mr. Antolini did to James Castle. But I didn’t think so. No one there wore coats.